Sunday, May 28, 2006

The Da Vinci Code is a bad movie

Mrs. Expat Teacher and I joined genesysx and his lady for The Da Vinci Code on Friday night. We all decided that The Da Vinci Code is a really, really bad movie. In case you've lived under a rock for the last 2 years, I need to give a spoiler warning.

I didn't know anything about the movie other than it was about symbols and things. I won't go into the many, many, many problems with the film's theology and Christian history. They are well documented. Instead, let me point out a few of problems with the film.

First, it has to stop like every 10 minutes to explain to the audience what they are looking at or why they are running. This absolutely kills any suspense. Considering this is a thriller, a movie needs some suspense. Therefore, this movie moves along at a pretty pedestrian pace with no worries or concerns for the main characters.

Second, so many things are completely improbable. When Hanks and Tautou are about to be killed in Westminster Cathedral (really Lincoln Cathedral), a flock of birds distracts the kiler. I've been in over 2 dozen cathedrals and none have any birds in them. That is just one of several stupid things that weren't even close to believable.

There was one moment when I thought the screenplay had been taken over by my sixth graders. Tom Hanks says, "The Priory of Scion was shown to be a myth in the 60s." Ian McKellen's character, Sir Leigh Teabing responds, "That's what they want you to think." You've got to be kidding me. That is the best the screenwriters can come up with?

Ok, what about when Tautou and Hanks make it to the final church and find the "Guardians". Hanks is explaining to Tautou's character about who she is and says with no conviction whatsoever, "You are the Holy Grail." It was laughable. But the best part is that there is a complete timeline on the wall to show how this woman is a direct descendant of Mary Magdalene.

I could go on, but trust me on this one. This movie is HORRIBLE. It is even worse than Phenomenon.

Speaking of John Travolta, I watched Primary Colors last night to make up for watching The Da Vinci Code. I figured that any movie about Bill Clinton would be watchable. This one wasn't. It is all John Travolta's fault. He made Bill Clinton look like a bad actor. Bill Clinton is an incredible actor. He is much better than John Travolta. Anyway, the movie is pretty straight forward poli-sci flick. Politician faces difficult decision to sell out principles or "stand up for the little man". Politician chooses correctly and everyone is happy.

So I'm 0 for 2 this weekend on movies. Maybe I'll watch one with Gwyneth Paltrow, since she stopped by my campus this week for a tour. Any suggestions?

Update: I watched "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" this morning with my sick wife. It was a good flick and made up for the last two. So I'm 1-3 this weekend.

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