Wednesday, May 17, 2006

What if....

....Jesus worked for the Bush administration?

Would John 8:32 be re-written as "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will be coverred in so many misleads and lies you'll never be free."?

Would Judas Iscariot have been killed by the other disciples in a pre-emptive strike to protect themselves?

Would Matthew 25:35-36 be re-written as "For I was hungry and you cut taxes for the rich. I was thirsty and you cut taxes for the rich. I was a stranger and you cut taxes for the rich. I needed clothes and you cut taxes for the rich. I was sick and you made my personal illness a media frenzy and a platform to rail against activist judges - and then you cut taxes for the rich."?

Would the Beatitudes have to be altered to say "Blessed are the peacemakers - unless we're at war and then you are unpatriotic and deserve to be insulted and slandered."?

Would Matthew 5:39 be re-written as "If someone strikes you on the right cheek, sit around and read a children's book. But when you really want to attack someone don't wait for a pesky real reason to do so, just make up some lies and go for it."?

Does "Love your enemies" turn into "Kill suspected terrorists, even if it leaves you with almost no allies anywhere"?

Does Luke 20:25 turn into "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's, unless you are in the top 1% and then keep it all for yourself and give me a donation for my next election campaign."?

Is Matthew 19:14 then changed to "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, unless they have not passed a series of standardized tests and in that case, fire their teachers and administrators and put them in private schools that we'll pay for with vouchers."

Is the answer to the disciples question about who is the greatest in the kingdom heaven now answered with, "Duh - Karl Rove!"?

In Matthew 17, when Jesus instructs Peter to go fishing and catch a fish with a coin it's mouth to pay the taxes - do they EVER stop fishing after that moment?