Friday, June 29, 2007


I was asked to share my testimony with our church's youth group a couple of weeks ago and the talk went okay, I suppose. I told them about how I was basically an okay person before Jesus came into my life; that I was an atheist for a time, that I liked to check out naked chicks, cuss, and was basically drifting through this vast expanse of the universe alone and without God. Then, long story short, this Jesus guy came along and told me that he loved me and I was consumed by this love he had for me, you know...

Well, like I said, the talk went okay to that point. I said some goofy stuff that I hope they don't think about too much, but I think I had them pretty well tuned in. I told a few jokes and tried to be folksy and get on their level and whatnot. The only problem is that I lied to them, at worst, or left out some things, at best, about this life after Christ. I told the kids about how I have this love in my life because of Jesus and how my life has purpose and all that good stuff that we say in Christian circles.

And I guess there's nothing untrue about all that; nothing harmful or "un-biblical." But I guess where I'm disappointed in my talk was that I left something out and that is that since this Jesus came into my life, I now carry a cross. Yes: Because of Jesus I have peace and love and hope in God, but the prevalent theme of my life has been the burden of the cross that Christ has placed on my shoulders. I've struggled with this burden off and on over the last thirteen years, but mostly I've done nothing with it.

Right now I'm struggling with this burden again. The desire of my heart is to see his kingdom come, his will being done, on Earth as it is in Heaven. The thought of God's justice, mercy, righteousness, and peace flowing through my community like a river cleansing all that is evil and impure brings me to tears. But I feel so unworthy and un-equipped to bear this cross.