Thursday, August 04, 2005

I'm just human

The first step toward humility is to realise that one is proud. - C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

Today is the two week and four week anniversary of the bombings here in London. All is going well and, God willing, nothing will happen. That doesn't mean we all aren't a little nervous and the Met Police have rolled out thousands of cops to ensure the public and deter attacks.

July has been tough for me. I've always been able to rationalize or compartmentalize attacks on civilians. Even after the July 7th attack here, you can tell by my initial post that I wasn't too bothered. It was something that I rationalized. It was inevitable, it was foretold, etc.

Yet the unsuccessful bombings on the 21st really shook me. They humbled me. They reminded me I was only human. I could build barriers, I could rationalize, I could compartmentalize, but nothing could protect me from the fear and insecurity I felt when I got on the bus each day. My heart would race, my eyes would dart for the "suspicious person", my mouth would go dry and my palms would sweat. The bombs made me face reality. It isn't me that keeps me alive and I'm not any more special than anyone else. It is God who sustains and protects. My feeble mind and flabby body won't insure me against any harm or ill.

I am a proud man and the bombings helped me realize that. They drove me back into the arms of Jesus because "perfect love drives out fear."