Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Enjoyable categorization of the candidates' positions on Iraq

Over at Stumped blog at the WaPo, they have a down and dirty categorization of the candidates' positions on Iraq. Here's a sample. Enjoy.
Hillary Clinton: Let's not fret too much about how we got here, or whether Bill and I once supported this war. Let's all just focus on my talking points: If George Bush won't, I will end this war. Still, some troops will have to stay over there a long time.

Barack Obama: People, can we just fret for a minute? C'mon, let's fret about the past. I know I was just a state legislator at the time, but darn it, I did oppose this war. And she didn't! Still, some troops will have to stay over there a long time.

Bill Richardson: Tell me again, why do some troops have to stay over there a long time?

Dennis Kucinich: How can I, the peace candidate who has opposed the war all along, still poll below the margin of error? Is it personal?

John McCain: Of course mistakes were made! I have been saying that all along. We needed a massive surge from the get-go. If we leave Iraq, the bad guys are going to follow us all the way to Phoenix. There is no substitute for victory against the Islamofascists.

Rudolph Giuliani: I am grateful for the Islamofascists. Without them, I'd be doomed, forced to talk about abortion, guns, immigration, my family.... I am also grateful for Ron Paul, who graciously plays the role of gutless Democrat in our debates, allowing me to show my tough, indignant, let-me-finish-wiping-the-rubble-off-my-coat side.

Ron Paul: The only reason we are in Iraq is because of a conspiracy involving the Trilateral Commission, the Federal Reserve, the Council on Foreign Relations and, possibly, the NFL. And of course folks are waging jihad against us; we are occupying their lands. We'd go nuts too.